How to Hold a Box of Kleenex: The Power of Reaching Out to Others

My first few years in Relief Society were some of the most depressing, anxiety-filled of my life. Relief Society with church is a women's organization. Women ages 18 and older meet Sundays during the third hour of church. Many lessons revolved around bettering ourselves, our roles as women,  or the occasional church history lesson. I often felt very alone and isolated. I would try to talk to other sisters, but it was a struggle because I either wouldn't connect with them or I would be ignored completely. I would sit next to others and they would get up and move.

I had gotten to the point where I would walk out during lessons and cry. During one particular lesson on unity, everyone was talking about how united they felt with the ward and the other sisters and how easy it was. I raised my hand and asked, "How can other sisters feel more united with the ward? I know for me, even though I come to events and do visiting teaching, I feel pretty alone."

I waited out the silence a while until someone said:

"If you were really doing everything you're supposed to, your relationship with God would be enough. You don't need to have friends if you're really doing what's right."

I waited a few minutes and then I walked out. I was done. I was hoping for an empathetic ear, a solution, an idea of what to do to be accepted. Instead, I got a lovely slap in the face. Could there have been good intentions there? Probably. I don't believe people to be deliberately mean, but it still was painful.

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Now, this wasn't quite the hardest moment for me or the only one. There had been situations like this over the course of a few years. By the time we were moving, my resentment of Relief Society had been cemented. But part of me was still hopeful. I knew (still know) the importance of the Relief Society. I wanted to love Relief Society...or at least not hate it.

Now I am still wary of Relief Society, but things began to turn around once we moved out to California for C's new job.

Soon after we moved into our new ward, the other ladies in the ward began to reach out to me. My visiting teacher talked to me and paid attention. She didn't spend the whole visit looking for something I missed doing around the house so she could sweep in and take care of it. We had a real conversation. I began finding friends in this new group of ladies. I began to cautiously enjoy going to church again.

What changed? People began reaching out to me. Not out of obligation, but because they chose to. I was accepted.

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So how does this relate to anxiety and depression?

I can't speak for everyone and I am not a professional, but I know that for me when people reach out and talk to me it can really help. The fact that someone took the time to say hi and ask how things are going is very meaningful. When people reach out, I feel more human. I feel like I belong and that feeling can carry me through some tricky times. We all need to know that we matter...that we belong somewhere...that we have a purpose.

Never suppress the idea to do an act of kindness. You may never know how much that one small act can affect that person or the ones that person comes in contact with. An act of kindness is almost always paid forward in one way or another.

To finish, here is a list of things that you could do to reach out to someone in your life. If you're like me and get nervous at this sort of thing, invite a buddy to do it with you. Or come up with a reward for doing one of the following ideas. The more that you do something, the easier it gets.

1. Send a text saying hi
2. Send out an email
3. Make a phone call
4. Leave them a fun treat on their doorstep or on their desk
5. Invite them to lunch (food is always a great idea!)
6. Go to the park with them
7. Invite someone over for game night
8. Throw a party and invite them
9. Hold a movie night and invite them
10. Sit with them during church or a meeting or a class
11. Talk and Listen openly
12. Share when you are having a hard time (this helps make them more comfortable with 
              sharing their own struggles)
13. Give a hug  (with permission)
14. Write a note or letter and send it in the mail
15. Share a funny joke, story, or meme
16. Laugh together
17. Recommend a book, movie, or tv show and talk about it later
18. Share a favorite song
19. Send them a favorite quote or scripture
20. Bring them dinner

These 20 ideas just barely scratch the surface. They range in terms of cost (time and monetary) and difficulty. Your challenge is to do one of the following and share what you did in the comments. Add in how the action goes. I look forward to reading about them!

If you have other ideas on how to reach out, share them below too.