Recently, I was asked to give a talk at our stake conference. Stake conference is when several groups (we call "wards") get together and we have a big meeting where several people speak. I never thought that I would get asked to speak. I was asked to speak on a topic that I received an impression on. My struggle with anxiety and depression kept coming to mind, so I focused on that. A friend of me also sent a link to a blog post entitled
Drowning is Quiet by Sincerely Kate that helped me shape the focus of the talk that I gave. I thought I would share my talk below and talk about the aftermath.
When I was much younger, my mom signed me up for swim lessons just as many parents do for their children. During one such lesson, the substitute teacher had me doing laps in the deeper end of the pool. I was the only kid from my class there that day, so I had plenty of space. I began swimming along. I believed enough time had passed for me to have made it to the wall, so I reached for the wall. To my surprise, my hand fell through the air and I went under. I attempted to tread water like we had been taught, but it was a struggle. I went under the water several times while I tried to get to safety. I struggled for what felt like ages when I finally made it to a spot where I could grab on. The instructor finally noticed something was amiss and came over. I told him what had happened and he became frustrated with me. He asked me why I didn’t save myself. I told him I had tried. I had tried shouting for help, but he hadn’t heard me. Nobody had heard me.
Drowning is quiet. It can happen to anyone. But there is another type of drowning that can affect us or our loved ones. According to the
National Alliance of Mental Illness, one in five adults will battle mental illness in a given year. Whether it’s now or in the future, chances are many of us will come face to face with mental illness, through our personal experience or through a close loved one.
This kind of drowning is also quiet. It is hard to spot. For many, it is hard to believe. We may see someone smiling, saying everything is fine, and think nothing of it.
In some aspects, they may be fine; however, they may be fighting to keep their head above water. He or she may be too busy fighting, trying to keep going, to stop and ask for help.
Others may be completely upfront about it.
For many years, I have lived with anxiety and depression. I usually keep it to myself and bottle it away. I’ve heard people say things like “you’re fine”, “I don’t feel that way, so neither should you”, “you just want attention”, or one of the more hurtful, “if you were really doing what you’re supposed to, you wouldn’t feel that way.” So I stopped talking about it. I stopped looking for help. I thought of it as just a “me” problem that had to be dealt with quietly.
I’ve come to learn this is the wrong way to deal with anxiety and depression. I still bottle up my anxiety and depression, but thanks to my husband, a professional counselor, and a couple close friends, I’ve started learning to stop staying quiet. To look for help when it comes. To seek help from others. To seek comfort from our Heavenly Father, especially at the worst of times.
One of the worst lies we tell ourselves, that I am guilty of, is that Heavenly Father doesn’t care about us. However, we know we are children of our Heavenly Father and He loves us, imperfections and all.
In Alma 7: 11-12 we read,
11 And he shall go forth, suffering pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind; and this that the word might be fulfilled which saith he will take upon him the pains and the sicknesses of his people.
12 And he will take upon him death, that he may loose the bands of death which bind his people; and he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities.
The Savior has experienced pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind. This includes mental illness. This includes physical illness. We all have someone in our corner who has felt what we’ve felt. Who understands how horrible and isolating it can feel. We are never truly alone.
A writer for LDSLivng wrote, “ It's so comforting to learn that many can receive healing from their mental illnesses or disorders through the Lord's tender mercies. But, there are also many who bear these burdens their entire life. It is also important to note that, regardless of your pain and challenges, your Heavenly Father loves you with an infinite love and depression has no bearing on your worthiness. His love and the Savior's Atonement can bring peace and lessen the burdens of your troubles. They can provide a deeper spiritual healing that will bring you the strength needed to endure your trials.”
"...Regardless of your pain and challenges, your Heavenly Father loves you with an infinite love and depression has no bearing on your worthiness. His love and the Savior's Atonement can bring peace and lessen the burdens of your troubles. They can provide a deeper spiritual healing that will bring you the strength needed to endure your trials."
So where do we go from here?
For those of you who suffer from depression, anxiety, or any other feelings of drowning, I ask that you do your best to make a sound. Talk. Say something. Speak up because it isn’t always easy to see. I speak from experience that it is way easier said than done and it’s not the natural first response, but I can also say that there is nothing wrong with letting people who love you, help you and I promise you there are people that love you no matter what you believe.
For everyone, be alert. Keep your ears, eyes, and heart open. Be a friend. Listen to those impressions/thoughts, etc that you may have to reach out. Empathy can go a lot farther than harsh words.
In Mosiah 18: 8-9 we read:
8 And it came to pass that he said unto them: Behold, here are the waters of Mormon (for thus were they called) and now, as ye are desirous to come into the fold of God, and to be called his people, and are willing to bear one another’s burdens, that they may be light;
9 Yea, and are willing to mourn with those that mourn; yea, and comfort those that stand in need of comfort, and to stand as witnesses of God at all times and in all things, and in all places that ye may be in, even until death, that ye may be redeemed of God, and be numbered with those of the first resurrection, that ye may have eternal life
We have been asked to bear one another’s burdens. To comfort each other. To mourn with each other. Sometimes even just being there can be an aide. We have been taught to love one another.
To that end, I pose this question: “If we saw someone who is drowning, wouldn’t we do anything we could to help rescue that person? Pulling a victim from the water saves a body; assisting an individual to overcome mental or emotional obstacles helps save a soul.”
After this talk, several people shared similar feelings with me. If you find yourself struggling with anxiety, depression, or any other mental illness, know that you are not alone.
After the end of the conference, one lady shared with me that she received the impression that I should write about what others could do to help those dealing with these kinds of things. I gave it some thought and decided that I would follow through. For the next few weeks, I have a series planned to go into this. I must add that I am not a professional and I continue to struggle with anxiety and depression on a daily basis; however, I will share what helps me. I hope that others will share their experiences here too. The comments are open for sharing! What are your experiences with mental health? What has helped you in the past?
